There was this guy who was on airplane, he had to go to the bathroom really bad.. Well every time he would go to the bathroom someone was always in it. So he finally asked the flight attendant if he could use the ladies room. She said, well sir I'm not sure if that would be a good idea,you see there are buttons in there. He says ,Oh please please I really have to go and I promise I won't push any buttons. So she tells him go ahead, just don't push any buttons. So he goes in there he's sitting on the toilet doing his duty. Well he looks over and sees three buttons. One is yellow, one is red and one is green. He pushes the yellow button and out comes water and sprays his behind. He thinks 'wow that felt good, I'll press the red button'. So he pushes the red button and out comes a powder puff and dries him off and powders him. So then he pushes the green button.. He passes out and wakes up in hospital. He looks up at the flight attendant and she says 'you pushed the green button didn't you?' He knods.. He said 'What happened?' She said 'The green button was an Automatic Tampon Remover, your dick is laying under your pillow'

Why did the man cross the road? Because there were no women on his side.

What do men and linoleum have in common? Lay them right and you can walk all over them the rest of your life.

How can you tell if a man is well hung? If you can't get your finger between the rope and his neck!!!

!What's the diff. between Bigfoot and an honest man? Bigfoot has been sighted!

What is the difference between government bonds and men? Government bonds mature.

What's a man's idea of helping with house work? lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.

How do men define a 50/50 relationship? They cook, we eat. They clean, we dirty. They iron, we wrinkle

What's the best way to get a man to do sit ups? put the remont between their toes.

How do men exercise at the beach? Everytime they see a bikini, they suck their belly in.

What does a man concider a seven corse meal to be? A hot dog and a 6 pack

Why is it good that there are female astronauts? because if the crew gets lost, at least the woman will ask for directions.

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.' The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no,' he says, 'everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking.'

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.