Rodney walks into a bar and says, 'Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy here.'The bartender says, 'You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?'Rodney says, 'Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here.' With that he pulls out a little 3 inch man from hispocket.The bartender says, 'Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?' 'Oh, sure. He can drink it all, and then some,' the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.'That's amazing,' says the bartender. 'What else can he do? Can he walk?' Rodney flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, 'Hey, Al,go fetch that quarter.' The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter, and runs back down and gives it to Rodney.The bartender is totally amazed by this display. 'That's amazing,' he says, 'what else can he do? Does he talk?'Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, 'Talk? Sure he talks. Hey Al, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!'

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

The dog's life is a good life, for a dog.

Those art lovers who pride themselves mostly on taste usually possess no other talent.

To the intelligent man or woman, life appears infinitely mysterious. But the stupid have an answer for every question.

When I hear the word 'culture', I reach for my checkbook.

' Humankind will not be free until the last Kremlin commissar is strangled with the entrails of the last Pentagon chief of staff.

In all of nature, there is no sound more pleasing than that of a hungry animal at its feed. Unless you are the food.

Literary critics, like a herd of cows or a school of fish, always face in the same direction, obeying that love for unity that every critic requires.